“Window Pain” This is one of the art projects that I made
Looking back I can not believe how fast the time has gone. My middle child turned 4 on Sunday. 4 years have gone by and I am not even close to being the same woman that I was. 4 years ago almost to the date, I was a scared, abused woman. My future and the future of my children was uncertain. I was facing major prison time. I was faced with the fear of losing my children forever. I was faced with a future that was so surreal, I felt as if I was in the middle of a bad Lifetime movie. Every day was a battle. A battle to fight DYFS. A battle to fight the legal system. But most of all a battle to fight myself. I had to stop making excuses and take responsibilty for all that had occured. There were a few things that I knew at that time for sure. I knew I loved my kids. I knew I had put myself in a bad place. I knew I did not know how to get out. I knew I did not have the tools to get better and to move on. For the next 4 years I continued to fight. I got help to understand that the abuse was not my fault. I was introduced to a wonderful organization called 180 Turning Lives Around. They gave me the strength to understand and accept that although I was a victim of horrific domestic violence, I was going to turn into a survivor. They helped me to find my stregnths that I had though I had lost. They were an ear to listen, a shoulder to cry on, and a hand to hold. They made sure my kids had holiday gifts. They made sure I had an outlet to cry, and laugh, and yell, and scream. They helped me to tap into my creativeness and make art from my pain. And they never charged me. I had no money. They still allowed to me to keep coming. Once a week. It was my safe place. I have since graduated from their program. Every few months I still go back to my Monday night safe place to talk to the other women. I try and give them hope. I try and make them laugh. I try to help them make that transition from victim to survivor.