Little Big Things / Uncategorized

Remember When?

Remember when is a game that I hate but play often. Remember when I was super skinny and looked my best?

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Yeah thats me, the summer of 2008

Remember when I had no kids and could go out and do whatever I want whenever I want? Remember when I was in college and had everything planned out? Remember when everything I planned got derailed and my entire life changed? Remember when the man that promised to protect me and take care of me and my son, beat me every day and took me away from myself? Remember when is a dangerous game to play. Remember when is a game that I have forbid myself to play. Remember when is not healthy.

So I vow that there will be no more remember whens. I will not live in the past and I will strive for a better future. I will not say Remember When, but I will say tomorrow will be amazing. Tomorrow will a new beginning.  Tomorrow we will make new memories. Happy memories, memories full of joy, full of happiness. Tomorrow will be a day that my kids look back on and smile and tell their kids about. Tomorrow will be filled with funny stories, happy memories, and fresh starts. So from now on there will be no more remember whens, but there will be smiles, and lots of them.

But just as a last remember when-Remember when ducky lips were ok and I had the best dye job and haircut EVER?

Ducky lips not cool, but best haircut and dye job ever!

Ducky lips not cool, but best haircut and dye job ever!

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11 thoughts on “Remember When?

  1. I agree that remember when is not healthy. It drags to a past you are no longer in. It reminds you, teases you, and taunts you, perhaps ridicules you about all the things that were ripped away. It leads the person you once around in front of your mind like a carrot dangling on a stick that is just out of your reach.

    It begs you to think of all the “if onlys” and “could have, would have, should have.” If only I passed him by. I could have said no. I would have kept walking if I had known. I should have passed him by.

    It does no good for us to dwell on these things, because they only make us lament losing the vitality we had before. It makes us mourn the time we lost. It makes us heavy hearted to become stuck on what we had become.

    Instead, I think of today. I think how grateful I am that I am no longer the person, the shell I was with him. I won’t recount the tears and try to catch them in my hands, only to have them flow through like water to the floor. I will continue to learn about who I have become. I will remind myself that I am strong, that I survived, overcame, and took my life back by force. That I love myself and respect myself for my courage I show every day I walk out my door with head held high.

    I will not stare at the ground in silence. I will not sigh for days that are no more. I will sing, dance, smile, laugh, and love. I will give all of myself. I will be someone else’s light. I will trust in the power of me.

    • ” I trust in the power of me” what a wonderful statement! I can not say I would pass by my abuser as I got my middle child from him and that troublemaker is an amazing gift.
      BUT I could have hidden that I was pregnant. I could have walked away and he would have never known,but again that is the danger of remember when and I WILL NOT GO THERE anymore.
      I am grateful you are no longer that person. I am grateful I am no longer that person. I am blessed to have connected with a strong woman such as yourself!

      • A strong woman who is now fighting the idea of slamming out a blog post at midnight even though she has to get up at 5 AM for work, because invoices wait for no woman! You and your remember when! LOL

        So yeah, thanks 🙂 It will be a good one, even if I am tired in the morning!

        Blessed to have connected with you as well.

        Duck lips huh… you should search for the D.U.C.K. tribute post on my blog LOL

      • lmao that was so many years ago I found it on my old MySpace page! I am only up bc I am not going to work tomorrow.
        Sorry about that! I cant help it, these crazy thoughts just come. I am looking to see what I inspired! hee hee

  2. Remember-When’s are the killer of happiness. It is a VERY hard habit to break… I try to think about what my future remember when’s will be, both the good and bad, and it helps with staying focused on the now.

    • You are so so right!!!! The only remember whens we try to do in my family are the happy remember whens. like remember when the baby was born and she didnt cry and she just looked up at us and smiled?
      Remember when we went to the carnival and rode the rides all day….
      thanks so much for reading!

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