Little Big Things / Uncategorized

Really its a mix of a bad Maury Episode and a bad Lifetime Movie

I am talking about the last 6 years of my life. Although I have touched on the surface of the insanity that I have lived through, I have not really opened up to the nitty gritty of the whos, whats, and wheres.  While reading a awesome new blog Hacker Ninja Hooker Spy, I realized that if the average person read my blog, I do not know if they would actually believe all the craziness. So, I decided that I would share some back story, and really let you all get to know me a little better. This is all a true story. Not embellished for entertainment, although I wish it was.

MySpace was partially to blame for the beginning of the end, of the beginning. One day a few weeks before my 29th birthday this young guy (he was 24,25) wanted to talk to me. He was pretty  hot and I figured, what the hell, I’ll give myself a birthday present. Long story short, one night of fun produced my oldest son.  My pregnancy was not fun. I lost my job, found another, lost that one as well, kicked my baby dad out of my house, was given an STD (by baby dad), and found out that ONE of the hoodbugers that he cheated on me with (because there were many) was also pregnant. 3 months after I gave birth, he was back in prison.  I was 29, a single mom, scared to death, unemployed, and lonely. I was very good friends with my best-friend at the times brother who was about to get out of prison (I know how to pick em right) and we decided that since he was about to be paroled, we would give it a try. I was happy. He was really very nice, made some bad decisions, but was really a nice man, and came from a pretty nice family. When bestie found out, well lets just say, me and him were no more.

Then I met my abuser. Introduced by another friend, I figured he was safe. Well as you can read in my story of domestic violence, that did not turn out very well. It did, however, give me my second child. My favorite trouble maker as I like to call him.  He is tough, but so sweet. All he has to do is look at you with those big brown eyes, and all is forgiven. He can not sit still, but he is thoughtful, and so very smart. He saved my life. If I was not pregnant with him, his biological father would have killed me and his older brother. That I know for sure.  I remember the night I left the hospital and found out that I would not be allowed to stay in my moms house with him. The DYFS worker would not even allow me to hold him while leaving the hospital.  DYFS forced me to go back to the house that was raided by the police only 5 days prior, and it was there that I spent my first night at home after giving birth. Alone. In a mess. Surrounded m\by reminders of my abuse. Surrounded by all my children’s things, but without my children. I woke up every hour, pumping instead of breast feeding. Crying, alone, and scared. Waiting until 6 am when my dad would be able to pick me up to take me to my children. I did this for a week until I saw a judge, and he allowed me to move back in with my parents, so that I could be a mother again. So that I could try and pick up the pieces of my life and put them back together again.

The next two years were a whirlwind.  Court, therapy, more court, and even more therapy. Finally getting a no contact order for my abuser. Having him ignore it and still threaten me from prison. Going to the court, having them tell me that they couldn’t do anything. I heard, they WOULDN’T do anything. Marching into the prison in Newark, NJ with the court order and the letters and finally getting that abuse to stop. Fast forward to February of this year, and even though an appellate judge ordered a restraining order, the DYFS judge (a woman) dropped all abuse and neglect charges on this psycho and REFUSED to give me an order of protection. So while he is in prison with drug, weapon, and domestic violence charges, when he gets paroled he can ask for visitation. All the while I still have an abuse and neglect charge and a felon to add to my resume. I think I’ll put that right next to my skills in Microsoft Office.

But there has been good in these past years as well. I met a third man. Had a child. A beautiful daughter that I never knew how much I wanted and needed in my life.  He want’s to get married. I am hesitant. We have our ups and downs. We fight hard, but we love just as hard. I am a work in progress. I am constantly trying to reinvent myself. In true Abby form, I just cut off all my hair. It was waist length just a week ago, and now it just barely reaches my chin.  I live for my kids. If they are happy, then I am happy. I have a home, food, and a car that usually works. I have a job, and a few friends. I am going back to school. Social Work is my major. I figure if I am going to be broke, I might as well be happy with what I am doing, and possibly help someone, like I was helped.  So my reality is insane, a little like a mix of a bad episode of Maury and a Lifetime movie, except on this show I know who my baby daddies are- I have the DNA tests to prove it!

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14 thoughts on “Really its a mix of a bad Maury Episode and a bad Lifetime Movie

  1. Girl, please, you know I could be sitting in that chair next to you on Maury. Only problem is, there are far too many projectiles that Kevin could use to throw at me, so I would only agree if things were bolted to the floor.

    I am not sure how you all would handle the more in-depth version of Kevin. Although I am sure people could be entertained by the time I chased a crack dealer out of my house with a butcher knife (of course, I was “handled appropriately” afterward) or the time another one who is also an informant for the PD, thereby able to get away with everything, tried to back over me and another woman whom she didn’t even know with her car after attacking Kevin over money he owed her, earning herself three stay away orders in the process. Which, of course, Kevin repeatedly allowed her to violate, because she was one of his dealers. Or the time Kevin was pulled over and he had $200 worth of crack on him and he swallowed it so they wouldn’t catch him with it and I later learned that mustard is good for more than putting on hot dogs….

    Or other things that I haven’t told a soul, because it is so mortifying embarrassing that the thought would make me sick. Some things are better left in the past.

    • that I do agree with-some things are better left in the past. there are things that I will never talk about. There is no need to. I am glad for you that there is not a child in the middle that you have to share. It’s amazing how much the PD will allow the victim to suffer for their own needs. I guess they feel that their path to hell is paved with good intentions. I just wonder how those same officers would feel if the abused was one of THEIR family members,..

      • Well, sunshine, for me to have a child with him would mean I would have had to let him near me. *blinks* I couldn’t reconcile the monster with the supposed human being, so once I got past the phase where I would give in after he deprived me of sleep for days on end while beating up for not being with him… I just refused to give in anymore. How can you beat on someone like a fiend and then try to do something with them that requires love and respect?!

        And as for the police.. I am sure the abuser would end up in an alley somewhere for someone else to call it in. Just a hunch.

  2. I can’t even begin to imagine having my baby taken away after giving birth. DYFS is such an incredibly dysfunctional agency. I’m so happy you have been able to turn it around and you are one strong woman!

    • thanks so much. That is one of the reasons I am going into social work-dont get me wrong, I would rather die homeless and hungry then to work for the devil, but at least I can lend some support for those that are dealing with them as well as give some pointers on how to work with the system…
      it was terrible but at least he was with my parents. It was worse when the kids were taken away and I was only able to see them for an hour twice a month.
      but like you said, i turned it around and now my family is back together-4 years strong!

      • Two hours a month? That’s insane. Parents need an advocate in the system so good for you for trying to be one.

      • yeah tell me about it-oh and it was in the dyfs office, supervised by a DYFS nazi…thanks i mean it has to be done-while there are parents out there that need to supervised, so many of the women that I have spoken with were “easy targets” and totally mistreated-especially when they needed help the most.

  3. Ugh, so crazy but I appreciate getting to know more of your back story (and the photos of your kids are adorable, your little girl as a bumble bee = melt). I can’t believe the judge and courts were so NOT on your side (well, I guess I can believe it, but I hate it) and your story about coming home from the hospital after you gave birth is truly sad 😦 I’m so sorry you had to go through that Abby.

    I’m glad I found your blog though, and I’m glad you’ve found a decent man. We deserve it, dammit! Keep up the blogging 🙂

    • ahh they are always cute when you dont have to hear them talk! JK i love those little monsters . Ya know my grandmother always said-what doesnt kill makes you stronger..so im pretty strong bc Im not dead yet 😉
      Thanks its been hard to find things to write about but you inspired me the other day…thanks!

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