As a kid, teenager, and even most of my adult life, I have never had any problems making friends. I had a larger circle of people that I was associated with, and those few important people that I considered my close friends. I always imagined that when I had children that I would be good friends with at least one of their friends moms, or at least I would know who these women were. I imagined that my kids would have play-dates on the weekends, and snow days ,and of course the summers.
My oldest being in Kindergarten, I am learning that creating these relationships with other mom’s is not easy. I find it hard to reach out sometimes, and not one mom has ever called me for a play-date. My son spoke about his friends in school but I never really was confident about inviting them over to my apartment. Now that I moved to a house, I am eager to have people come to my home but now we are in a new school and my anxiety over meeting new people begins again.
Many of the families who live here either grew up in this town, or married someone who grew up in this town. Even though I grew up here, since I went to private school I do not know anyone. Now that I have moved, I have to pick up my son from his school every day. When he was on the bus, I was able to make conversation with the other moms that picked up their kids-especially since we all lived in the same apartment complex. Now, I stand alone and no one really talks to me. There are the same women gathering every day. They all group together in little Mommy circles. They are laughing, and smiling, and talking about, well I have no idea what they are talking about. I don’t think they are intentionally leaving me out,and they are not ignoring me, or being mean, they just don’t know me. I would like to have someone ask me how my weekend was, or even talk about the upcoming horrible weather we are having, but alas I do not have that at all.
I stand at door #3, trying to be invisible, yet feeling like I have a huge red blinking sign above my head that says “NEW MOM ON THE BLOCK. I am also at fault. I do not reach out. I am not introducing myself to anyone. I think it’s because I am scared. I do not know what to even talk about to another mom. Most of my conversations are centered around my past. My abuse. My advocacy. I try not to let that define me, however, it is such an important part of my life. I have this need to share my story so that I can try to make a difference. So that it was not all for naught. I have gone back to school to get my Masters in Social Work so I can work with victims and survivors or domestic violence. My ultimate goal is to change laws to protect the survivor NOT the abuser and to open more centers like 180 Turning Lives Around, all over the country.
So here is my dilemma and I am opening this forum up for advice. How do I let people know about me. who I am, and what I am about without making it too much? I do not want to seem cold and rude but being general but I also do not know how to be less passionate. I am an “all or nothing” gal, and I have a hard time with the grey areas. But in the end, I just want someone to talk to at door #3.