Little Big Things / Uncategorized

And She waits

My daughter is head over heels in love with her dad. Normally that would be an amazing thing. You see when you have a man that is respectable, and responsible it is the best thing for a little girl. Through this man, this father, she will learn how to be treated, she will learn what to what to accept and what to not accept.

But my daughter will be learning all the wrong lessons for the man she calls dad. She will learn that it is proper for a man to cheat on her. She will learn that it is proper for her man to put his hands on her and to verbally demean her. She will learn how to wait.

And wait. Wait to see her beloved Dad when she is sick.  Wait for her beloved Dad when he is supposed to spend time with her. She will learn that she will always be second fiddle to whatever woman is catching his interest at that time. She will learn that said woman will not be her mother.

She will wait for him to come to her school events. And he will not show. She will wait for him to keep his promises. And he wont. She will wait for him to be that man that will teach her all the reasons she is a precious and special girl. But he wont.

As I watch her wait, I too am learning an important lesson. I know how she feels.  I know that longing and that empty feeling in the bottom of her stomach when he disappoints her again. I know because I too waited for this very man. I waited to be special. I waited to be the only one. I waited to be number one.

But today I will teach her never to wait. I will show her that I have stopped waiting. Together we will never wait for anyone to validate us. We will forge our own path. We will love ourselves unconditionally. Together we will wait no longer.

8 thoughts on “And She waits

  1. Reblogged this on Picking Up the Pieces and commented:
    An amazing post from fellow survivor that I am also proud to call my friend. If you have children with your abuser (or you know someone who does), read the importance on not waiting for validation and loving yourself unconditionally.

  2. Our daughters can learn how a man is supposed to treat a woman not by his actions but by our own. You’re doing a good job!

  3. Excellent post! And I really like Lilly”s comment also.
    I think young girls learn as much or more from the women they observe than the men.
    So many times the victim of abuse will say that their children are not affected. They say they talk to their children and tell them that the way their dad treats her is not right. But more than words they need to see action, all children need and deserve a mom who knows her worth and does not accept less than the best treatment ever.

  4. This is so beautiful. I am glad she has you as a mother and you will both help each other to not wait for validation and to always love yourselves unconditionally. You two are very lucky!

  5. I Thank you for your post..very beautiful. In my case,i have a little boy at the time i left my past. Now he is 16 years old. We left his father when he was 10 months old because I didn’t want him to learn how to treat women the way his father treated me. I want him to become a gentleman..a man who protects and respects women around him…treating women as human beings with feelings…

    • I am so glad you enjoyed. and here she still waits. They all wait. Thank goodness they have strong women like us to help them along the way. Kudos to you for making that difficult decision…

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