Changing is hard. It takes some honest talking to yourself. Before we make changes, we need to admit that WE ourselves have some of, if not much of the fault for the situations that we want to change. Well, I guess I can only speak for myself. I can honestly say that for so long in my life (even yesterday) I can point out all the reasons why things have gone wrong in my life and the person who is responsible for all that heartache. The one person I have to really look at is myself.
Did my ex treat me badly? Yes. Did he cheat on me and the kids? Yes. Did he treat me in a way that I would never expect? Yes. BUT lets look at this in a different perspective. Where is my fault in this situation? How many times did I allow him to cheat? What did I do to create a better outcome? I did nothing. I allowed him to treat me in a way that I would NEVER allow my sons to treat their spouse and I would NEVER allow someone to treat my daughter.
Sometimes we have to admit to ourselves that there are those in our lives that will be there but we do not have to tolerate bad behavior. If someone asks me how I feel about a situation and I tell them, if they tell me why I am wrong, then it is MY JOB to STOP TELLING THEM HOW I FEEL. If I choose to continue to expose my feelings to those who do not deserve it then it is my fault. It is my responsibility to surround myself with those who actually care about me, my feelings, and my family.
At this point in my life, there are people like my ex that I have to deal with. I have no choice since children are involved. If I take a good and honest look at the situation, I can admit to some people that even when they make plans with me and the kids, we are not a priority. We are just a backup plan. So now, it is my job to take all that is said with a grain of salt. Remember that just because I am a woman of my word, not everyone else lives that same way. If my ex says he wants to spend the day with me and the kids, it is my job to have another event planned, because more times than not, those original plans will not go through if something better comes up for him.
If I can admit that’s how it’s going to be and plan accordingly, then the pain will slowly be removed, and it is my job to make sure the kids do not feel that pain.
Right now I am at the hard stage of change, but I can see the messy stage coming and I am super excited to get to the gorgeous place!