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I just want to go to El Paso (but not really)

Yeah, El Paso. It’s remote. No one knows me. I know no one. It’s a fresh start. Literally in the middle of nowhere. So I applied for a housing voucher there.  It’s not the only far away from NJ place I applied. And last week it happened. I got the letter. My name has come up and my voucher is available to be claimed. I have to be in El Paso on January 8.

Yay right? Finally I can have a chance at something new, where it doesn’t snow. I ask around, doesn’t seem like an entirely awful place and I start searching for a flight. Not gonna happen. It takes 10 hours to get there so with this short notice, I cant get a flight for under $650, and I would have to stay the night, rent a car, find someone to watch my kids, and also find a job, schools, and housing in my short stay. Then comes the preparation for court in NJ. Ya see even though my kids dad do nothing or just the  bare minimum in raising their kids, they somehow have the right to force me to stay in NJ so they can NOT have a relationship with said children.

So as I got upset thinking WHY ME? Cursing my higher power for giving me this amazing opportunity that I am unable to take, it dawned upon me. The simple power of patience. I have been on this list for years. I have been going about my daily routine, not even thinking about this opportunity and then when I was least expecting it, Boom, its there!

And how is this not like life? We beg and complain and whine about all that we want, but what are we doing to make it happen? Are we prepared to accept what we think we want, when we get it? El Paso is real but its just one of the many examples that is apparent in our lives every day. I watched a very good friend and mentor of mine last night (Erica Feinstein- Kuiper) and she was talking about her journey. She was always attracting the same garbage in her life over and over again and she couldn’t figure  why. So while speaking to a good friend, it occurred to her that SHE was the one that was attracting the negative attention.

This was an eye opening lesson for me and really should be for all of us.  We surround ourselves by the vibe we give off. If you blame everyone all the time for your issues, but keep having the same issues, maybe its not them, maybe its you. So even if you move all the way to El Paso, nothing will change until you do.

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