For me, the late nights just as I am falling asleep, and those early mornings as I am just waking up are the hardest. When I reach my arm out for you, and there is nothing but a cold sheet where you use to lay. I reach but, nothing. And its at that time my heart breaks all over again.
When I find a forgotten piece of laundry, a shirt, maybe some socks and I can still smell you. Thats when my heart breaks all over again.
Those times I read, or see, or think of something funny, or sweet, or interesting, and just want to share it with you because you are one of the only ones who gets and appreciates my quirky sense of humor. Thats when my heart breaks again.
At the end of the day when I am so tired and I just need a break, I miss you telling me to just sit down because you say “relax Abby, I got this.” And thats when my heart breaks again.
Knowing I love you more then you will ever love me bc while you “love my soul” you will never love me entirely and completely. Thats when my heart breaks again.
Not hearing your voice. Not feeling your touch. Not seeing your face. And my heart breaks again. And it breaks. It heals. It breaks again.
But it is worth it. That pain, oh how it hurts but it reminds me of what was. What can be. What is possible.
I will take that pain and use it to make me strong. Help me to rebuild. Help me to find someone who will be there on those late nights and early mornings. I will take this pain and help me find someone who tells me to relax, and that will enjoy my quirkiness.
I will take this pain and find someone who couldn’t bear to be away from us. To find someone who wouldnt want to spend a day without hearing my voice, feeling my touch, smelling my scent.
But I am patient. I can wait. I would rather spend a lifetime alone, then a lifetime with the wrong person.