Today

Today I feel broken. Today I feel betrayed. Today I feel sadness so deep I feel physical pain. Today I found out my life has been a lie for so long. Today I found out the person that was entrusted with my heart, with my children, with my home-my only safe place- threw that trust to the side as if it was nothing more than yesterdays old newspaper.

Today I do not know how I can face tomorrow. Today I do not want to be faced with the pictures, or the memories that surround me. Today I do not know how to explain to my babies why someone else was chosen over them. Today I found out that jealousy destroyed what may have been my tomorrow. Today I found out more than I ever thought I needed to know. Today the tears are flowing down my face and I don’t know how to make them stop.

Tomorrow is a day I fear. Tomorrow is a day that I will have to gather all my strength and make the awful decisions that I never thought I would have to make. Tomorrow I must face my life, completely alone. Tomorrow I have to choose to be strong for three small people that I will have to shield from all this pain. From all this hurt. From all this despair.

Tomorrow I need to begin again. I was once strong. I was once a warrior. I was once able to hold my head high and take on the world. Tomorrow I will look at people with trust again. Tomorrow I will learn to love again. Tomorrow I will begin to pick up the pieces of my life that have been shattered. Tomorrow I will start to live again.