I am not about opening doors when I do not know what is lurking behind them. I have had WAY to many surprises over the last 10 years that I was not amply prepared for. Yet, I find myself, now, at 40 standing in a long hallway. On either side there are many doors, almost … Continue reading
Latest Entries
Playing house
I liked playing house with u. I would close my eyes, pretend you were mine and this was our family. I Iiked having you home with me at night.Holding meComforting me.Easing my fears.Protecting me. I liked playing house with you.Even though it wasnt real.Even though you weren’t mine.I would look at you with my kids, … Continue reading
Chasing Rainbows
Today my daughter caught me crying. I was laying face down on my newly made bed, crying into my blanket. She asked me what bracelet matched her outfit and I must not have wiped the tears fast enough. I picked the one I knew she wanted to wear, and she asked me quietly “Mom, why … Continue reading
Lifetime
For me, the late nights just as I am falling asleep, and those early mornings as I am just waking up are the hardest. When I reach my arm out for you, and there is nothing but a cold sheet where you use to lay. I reach but, nothing. And its at that time my … Continue reading
I just want to go to El Paso (but not really)
Yeah, El Paso. It’s remote. No one knows me. I know no one. It’s a fresh start. Literally in the middle of nowhere. So I applied for a housing voucher there. It’s not the only far away from NJ place I applied. And last week it happened. I got the letter. My name has come … Continue reading
I hate everyone right now, kinda…
He brings out the worst in me. The raving lunatic screaming fanatic in me. He is the only person who can make me go from normal to insane in less than 30 seconds. And I hate myself for it. I hate that I have to watch every word I say because it’s always being recorded … Continue reading
The first day of the last time
Being a mom is hard. Being a mom with “regular” kids is hard. Being a married mom is hard. Being a single mom is hard. Being a mom with kids with special needs is hard. Being a mom that works outside the home is hard. Being a mom that works inside the home is hard. … Continue reading
Hard, To Messy, To Gorgeous
Changing is hard. It takes some honest talking to yourself. Before we make changes, we need to admit that WE ourselves have some of, if not much of the fault for the situations that we want to change. Well, I guess I can only speak for myself. I can honestly say that for so … Continue reading
The day my heart broke and was repaired at the same time
Being a single mom has its own pressures, its own set of challenges that I am still learning how to deal with. Having your ex living in your home (which I am currently dealing with) is its own set of rules that I don’t understand. I have learned so far that even when its not … Continue reading
And She waits
My daughter is head over heels in love with her dad. Normally that would be an amazing thing. You see when you have a man that is respectable, and responsible it is the best thing for a little girl. Through this man, this father, she will learn how to be treated, she will learn what … Continue reading
The left side 